Burksey

Written with a great ear for mimicry, "Burksey" is the spoof ghosted autobiography of the world's most infamous footballer - Stephen Burkes. Comically charting the sensational, ludicrous and yet strangely believable world of the fictitious superstar Manchester United, Chelsea, Spurs and England striker, Burksey reveals the 'real' reasons why Paul Gascoigne cried at Italia 90, why footballers wore such tight shorts in the 1980s and why Gareth Southgate missed that penalty at Euro 96. Burksey is never short of a controversial word about his contemporaries. Of England manager Graham Taylor he says: 'A motivational tool? He certainly was.' Of the hated German foe: "Just looking at the cocky Matthias Sammer made me want to stick one on him. And that also went for Reuter. Scholl. Kuntz. The lot of them." And of himself, Burksey rails: "Steve Burkes was a trainee drunk and a hyperactive pervert who enjoyed interfering with dead goats. And people complain there are no characters in the game any more." Although the three Ds - drink, drugs and dolls - form the cornerstone of Burksey's leisure activities, his takes on his other interests - politics, contemporary art and any number of modern cultural phenomena - are never less than provocative. As are his views on the numerous sporting and national celebrities with whom he crosses paths during his rumbustious career; including David Beckham, Sven and Nancy, Damien Hirst, Glenn Hoddle and Mother Theresa. This ground-breaking book will delight all lovers of football, sport in general and modern celebrity culture. Is Burksey a winner or a w***er? You decide.