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book cover of Holy Mackerel

Holy Mackerel

(2013)
A novel by

 
 
HOLY MACKEREL
Life is looking up for the inhabitants of a small Welsh town. Wales have won the Grand slam, sausage rationing has ended, pear drops are on sale again in Mrs Yandle's Candy Emporium and a birth control clinic has opened in Cardiff. Then, the news arrives that the Pope has despatched a band of zealous Irish priests on a mission to eradicate filth and depravity, which is a crying shame because people are just getting to like it. A frisson of fear sweeps through the Catholic congregation and one newly married woman, already in terror of eternal damnation for marrying a protestant heathen, hurries home from confession at the Church of the Immaculate Conception and burns her contraceptive device.
Hence, the hero of this story arrives in the world, feet first on a Sunday morning, weighing in at eight pounds thirteen ounces of goose-pimpled flesh, smaller than the Christmas turkey but twice as slippery.
Her mother's hopes of a sweet, compliant daughter, a golden haired angel in disguise are swiftly dashed by the antics of this dervish of a child with a face like a scalded monkey, the legs of a prop forward and the lungs of Paul Robeson. All that's missing are the three 666's on the nape of the neck.
Aided in her unladylike escapades by her cousin Joyce Titley, the oracle of all dubious knowledge, who came last in the Bonny Baby competition of 1946, they set out to unravel the mysteries of life, death, sex, nakedness and the mysteries of menopausal mothers.
Until, an episode with an Ouija board summons the voice of Auntie Mary Muttonchop from beyond the grave, bringing startling news that will change both their lives forever.

    

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Used availability for Babs Horton's Holy Mackerel

Kindle Editions

December 2013 : USA, Canada, UK Kindle edition
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Title: Holy Mackerel
Author(s): Babs Horton
Publisher: Babs Horton
Availability: Amazon   Amazon UK   Amazon CA