Melea Snoodfeather
As a turkey shifter, life has never been easy, but it's usually quiet. When a member of our rafter gets into debt with the Gobble Gangsters, my mother voluntells me I'm auctioning my virginity to pay for someone else's gambling addiction. I run. I have no other choice and I hate running. I've also forgotten most of my clothes, so my boobs are bouncing boobily and my granny panties are flapping in the wind. I find a turkey farm run by the sweetest couple to hide and regroup, but I stay too long. I'm packed up and shipped out to D.C. for the Presidential Turkey Pardon along with a male turkey. He starts sniffing around but I can't smell anything. He claims he's my fated mate but he could just be trying to get my cloaca. And now my quiet existence is tangled up with the turkey mafia, the President of the United States, and a wanna be rapper.
All this to keep my hymen intact.
Tom Gobblesnatch
Living with my mother on our grand estate in my own private wing is stifling. I am an artist, expressing myself through carefully rhymed words and sick beats. Mother is demanding I attend the virginity auction and find a suitable wife to breed. I wanna lay tracks not penis pipe. So I run. I find myself on a turkey farm hiding out and enjoying the reprieve. But I stay too long. I'm caged and shoved in a truck and driven to the capital. And just when I think my life is over, I smell my fated mate. A female turkey in the next cage.
Great. Now my life is truly over. How am I supposed to ascend the rap charts saddled with a mate and eggs to raise?
I tried to escape my mother's talons, but its my connection to her that saves my life and the life of my mate. Now back at home, I'm preparing to bury my dreams but my mate is far more clever than I gave her credit for.
Is there a way to have a mate and family and become the greatest rapper in history?
Author's Note: Pardon Me So Hard is a PARODY! It is not to be taken seriously. It is chock full of cliches, crude humor, coarse language, strong sexual content and the word cloaca is used too much. It features two clueless turkey shifters and ends with a guaranteed HEA. If humor isn't your thing, please don't read.
Genre: Paranormal Romance
As a turkey shifter, life has never been easy, but it's usually quiet. When a member of our rafter gets into debt with the Gobble Gangsters, my mother voluntells me I'm auctioning my virginity to pay for someone else's gambling addiction. I run. I have no other choice and I hate running. I've also forgotten most of my clothes, so my boobs are bouncing boobily and my granny panties are flapping in the wind. I find a turkey farm run by the sweetest couple to hide and regroup, but I stay too long. I'm packed up and shipped out to D.C. for the Presidential Turkey Pardon along with a male turkey. He starts sniffing around but I can't smell anything. He claims he's my fated mate but he could just be trying to get my cloaca. And now my quiet existence is tangled up with the turkey mafia, the President of the United States, and a wanna be rapper.
All this to keep my hymen intact.
Tom Gobblesnatch
Living with my mother on our grand estate in my own private wing is stifling. I am an artist, expressing myself through carefully rhymed words and sick beats. Mother is demanding I attend the virginity auction and find a suitable wife to breed. I wanna lay tracks not penis pipe. So I run. I find myself on a turkey farm hiding out and enjoying the reprieve. But I stay too long. I'm caged and shoved in a truck and driven to the capital. And just when I think my life is over, I smell my fated mate. A female turkey in the next cage.
Great. Now my life is truly over. How am I supposed to ascend the rap charts saddled with a mate and eggs to raise?
I tried to escape my mother's talons, but its my connection to her that saves my life and the life of my mate. Now back at home, I'm preparing to bury my dreams but my mate is far more clever than I gave her credit for.
Is there a way to have a mate and family and become the greatest rapper in history?
Author's Note: Pardon Me So Hard is a PARODY! It is not to be taken seriously. It is chock full of cliches, crude humor, coarse language, strong sexual content and the word cloaca is used too much. It features two clueless turkey shifters and ends with a guaranteed HEA. If humor isn't your thing, please don't read.
Genre: Paranormal Romance