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book cover of The Faltese Malcom

The Faltese Malcom

A novel by

No one believed Joshua Punch.
Certainly not Karen Sawyer in present day Washington D. C.
"You're not going to believe this." He gazed into her blue eyes. "While I was visiting Buckys's house - "
"Unknown to Buckeys.
"Unknown to Buckeys - "
While he's away on vacation.
"While he's away - you gonna listen to this?
"I'm believing it so far.
"Somebody in there schlunked me on the head. I woke up dangling out on the ledge of the thirteenth floor of a hotel. In San Francisco. I got schlunked on the head again and I ended up back in Buckeys's house. Now I'm mentally being swapped back and forth with some guy named Spaid in San Francisco."
"What's not to believe?" Karen palmed up both hands. "So you're swapping bodies with another man." She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "See, the difficult part was swapping bodies with someone from San Francisco."
He stared into her big blues and one eyebrow rose.
"There's something else, isn't there? Something about San Francisco?"
"It's in the nineteen twenties."
But believe him or not, when he landed in San Francisco he found himself in the body in of a private eye named S. Paid, who everyone called Spaid. And Spaid was smack in the middle of war between a mob boss and a beautiful Chinese tong queen who had designs on his body. Which was okay with Josh except she promised to cut off the good parts of his body
if he didn't get her oyster berries back. Which also was okay except, who would feel the pain, S. Paid or good old Joshua Punch? And a couple of cops wanted to put him in a cell and throw away the key - cliches, everyone there spoke in cliches. Oh yes, and Spaid's partner was killed and a woman wanted him to find something called the Faltese Malcom. Except other people had it differently.
"The Faltese Malcom?" The fat man's big belly shook as he tried to contain his mirth. "I hardly think so, Mr. Spaid. Another one of Miss O'Shaughnessy's little fictions I fear. What we are really looking for is... the Maltese Falcon."
But back in twenty-first century Washington, the falcon everyone wanted--the FBI, an oil company, and a mobster who threatened to cut off the good parts of his body--wasn't the Maltese Falcon, but the Patuxent Falcon, a guided missile stolen from a navy base. And everyone thought Joshua Punch knew where it was. Oh yes, and while he was trying to take care of Spaid's body in old time San Francisco, Spaid regularly got Josh's lights punched out back in Washington, D. C.
Oh, and one more oh yes, while the Patuxent Falcon and the Maltese Falcon threatened to leave Josh talking in a high voice - cliches, everyone spoke in cliches - the O'Shaughnessy dame had it right all along.
It was the Faltese Malcom.
Within the pages of The Faltese Malcom you'll find adventure, love, laughter, a hard-boiled mystery, a walk on the fantasy side with time travel. The Faltese Malcon is a parody of The Maltese Falcon, humorous Harry Potter entertainment for adults. The Faltese Malcom is a fast paced novel that will leave you with a smile.
Finally, there are also some hidden facts about San Francisco, The Maltese Falcon, and The Faltese Malcom that can be found on my web page,


Used availability for Peter Abresch's The Faltese Malcom

Paperback Editions

October 2009 : USA Paperback

Title: The Faltese Malcom: The real story about the second bird from Malta
Author(s): Peter E Abresch
ISBN: 1-4404-2232-X / 978-1-4404-2232-4 (USA edition)
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
Availability: Amazon   Amazon UK   Amazon CA   

Kindle Editions

October 2009 : USA, Canada, UK Kindle edition

Title: The Faltese Malcom
Author(s): Peter E Abresch
Publisher: Create Space
Availability: Amazon   Amazon UK   Amazon CA