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Bite My Shiny Metal Pew!

(The third book in the Pew! Pew! series)
A collection of stories by

9 tales of galactic ludicrousness, all communicated entirely in beeps and squinks.

If you can read this, you're probably a cyborg.

Stealing Trouble by Amy DuBoff

Legitimate business is boring. There's no thrill, just a lot of paperwork. To amuse themselves, the crew of the Little Princess II decide to try their hands at some old fashioned art theft and black market dealings. However, going in without a clear plan has a tendency to backfire. Old nemeses, incorrect assumptions, and bad luck are just the beginning of their problems.

Invasion of the Kaviis by C.C. Ekeke

Since childhood, Henar has trained to become part of the Kavii Benevolency's grand military. But when he's sent to the backwater world known as Earth, the young soldier is hell-bent on making the best of his first military conquest. What he finds on Earth opens his eyes to a new and unorthodox chance at glory... and unlimited belly rubs.

A Visit from my Cyborg Nana by Zen DiPietro

Charlie Kenny is happy with his new life on the Second Chance. He's a redshirt, an unlikely adventurer, and he's even learned to mix a darn good cocktail. He's been reluctant to return to Earth, where the majority of his life's misfortunes have occurred, but his nana needs help. The cyborg overlords that assimilated her years ago now refuse to provide her with proper maintenance. Charlie has no choice but to face off against these robotic ruffians. Lucky for him, he'll have the help of the two best friends a redshirt could have.

The Horrible Habits of Humans by S.E. Anderson

Commander Strax of the Order would love nothing more than to command his ship and plan his retirement. Babysitting a new race is not part of the plan. When a simple dimplomatic mission goes sideways, it's up to strax to save the universe--and keep the human out of trouble.

The Lone Ranger Returns by Michael Anderle

Her grandfather is gone, his legacy remains. It takes a while for this granddaughter to realize you can't outrun the Grimes legacy.

Swarn of the Zom-Bees by Chris J. Pike

Captain Jim Jones and his crew just want to enjoy a few space hot dogs when blood-sucking bees attack. After reaching a tentative truce, everyone has been fooled by the Space Bees, with their apparent need to cultivate honey everywhere. But when the first Space Bee shop opens on Earth, Jones suspects something else is afoot as people start dropping like flies.

Vermillion by L.A. Johnson

Zenith researches ancient intergalactic maps for a living. Or at least she did, until she impulsively joined a slacker Civil Customer Service crew to get away from an ex-boyfriend. Now she must deal with the terrors lurking in deep space, a co-dependent ship named Vermillion, and a human-sized insect roommate. The crew is intent on keeping their zero percent customer satisfaction rating despite Zenith's objections, but when her past won't stop coming back to haunt her, her first job may be her last.

Glitches Wild by Drew Avera

What happens when the unluckiest man on the planets plays a high-stakes game of poker against the richest man in West Virginia? He loses his ass in more ways than one. The real question is, what happens after?

Zip Zap Boing by Andrew Lawston

The Starship Troupers Initiative is famed across the galaxy, bringing the greatest actors to entertain soldiers in warzones on the most lethal colony worlds. Now, new actor James Fanning must both give the performance of a lifetime, and singlehandedly turn the tide of Jargroth's civil war. The show must go on... even if it kills him!

Genre: Science Fiction

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